I really enjoyed the atmosphere you created. The gray beach, the silent crowd, and the motionless sea establish an unsettling mood from the very beginning. My favorite idea is the concept of hell as the last prison of consciousness rather than a place of physical torment. Personally, I would have enjoyed even more ambiguity in the second half, leaving readers to piece together the truth themselves. Still, it's an original and thought-provoking take on existential horror.
Thanks for reading and for the feedback! What do you think I should have left out, the explanation about the people on the beach or the one about Sim?
This is actually the first story I've written that's completely standalone. It won't have any sequels or connections to my other stories, so I was worried that leaving out too many explanations would create more questions than intended.
That's a fair concern, especially in a standalone story. Personally, I wouldn't remove the revelation itself, only make it a bit less explicit. For me, horror often becomes stronger when readers are allowed to connect some of the dots themselves. I loved the atmosphere of the beach and the uncertainty of the first half, and I think preserving a little more of that mystery until the end would make the final revelation even more haunting. But that's just my personal taste—I tend to prefer ambiguity in horror.
Thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it! And thank you for taking the time to read, your advice has helped me a lot. In the beginning, I was a bit creatively restrained, but later I loosened up, so I can see some progress myself as well.
Wow, there's really something about your story. I was sitting on a sunny beach reading it, but for a split second, I actually felt cold 😳 I’m also really intrigued by this recurring theme of 'forgetting/memory loss' in your work 🤔 You capture it so authentically that every single time, I start feeling this sense of fear... your descriptions are just so evocative to me... 🖤
Thank you for reading! 💚 My inspiration was a theory (I’m not sure how accurate it is) that after death, our brain remains active for another 7 minutes, and during that time it replays our entire life from the first to the last second. But there’s a twist: the theory suggests that time slows down there, so those 7 minutes in real time could feel like a much, much longer period. Terrifying. 😆💚
So you draw inspiration from interesting facts like that?? Forgive me for asking, I'm just really curious! My process always begins with a intense emotion... which I then craft a story around 🤔 But the way you describe that state of memory loss is creepily brilliant 🖤
Not really. But whenever I come across an idea I like, I try to work it into a story. It can happen during a random conversation with someone, or I might just get a vivid image in my head. There aren't really any strict rules. 😆💚
That's even more interesting 🤔 Sometimes I wonder where ideas actually come from... It's literally as if they were these "entities" floating around and occasionally jumping into people's heads 😅 I wish you many more of those mental images, because you're great at it 🖤 and they're truly original! 🫶🏻
Thank you! 💚 I've always wondered if some mysterious entity slips ideas into my head from time to time. My best friend and I joke that aliens are the ones giving me my ideas, and it would be so cool if at least some of the things I write were actually happening somewhere out there in the depths of space. 😂
"You are confusing repentance and fear."
Love this line- and sadly I feel like it's more common than not.
Thank you for reading! 💚 Unfortunately, false repentance is becoming more and more common these days.
I really enjoyed the atmosphere you created. The gray beach, the silent crowd, and the motionless sea establish an unsettling mood from the very beginning. My favorite idea is the concept of hell as the last prison of consciousness rather than a place of physical torment. Personally, I would have enjoyed even more ambiguity in the second half, leaving readers to piece together the truth themselves. Still, it's an original and thought-provoking take on existential horror.
Thanks for reading and for the feedback! What do you think I should have left out, the explanation about the people on the beach or the one about Sim?
This is actually the first story I've written that's completely standalone. It won't have any sequels or connections to my other stories, so I was worried that leaving out too many explanations would create more questions than intended.
That's a fair concern, especially in a standalone story. Personally, I wouldn't remove the revelation itself, only make it a bit less explicit. For me, horror often becomes stronger when readers are allowed to connect some of the dots themselves. I loved the atmosphere of the beach and the uncertainty of the first half, and I think preserving a little more of that mystery until the end would make the final revelation even more haunting. But that's just my personal taste—I tend to prefer ambiguity in horror.
Thanks for the advice! I’ll definitely consider it carefully during the later revision of the story and the final edit.
May I just say that I am so incredibly proud of how far you've come since we first crossed paths.
Brilliantly written and I am glad to have checked in with what you're doing all these months later. Well done :)
Thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it! And thank you for taking the time to read, your advice has helped me a lot. In the beginning, I was a bit creatively restrained, but later I loosened up, so I can see some progress myself as well.
\o/ Awesome! Glad to hear it :D
I love this story so very much! Thank you. It feels like this one will stay with me for a long time. 💚
Thanks for reading, it really means a lot to me! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 😊
Wow, there's really something about your story. I was sitting on a sunny beach reading it, but for a split second, I actually felt cold 😳 I’m also really intrigued by this recurring theme of 'forgetting/memory loss' in your work 🤔 You capture it so authentically that every single time, I start feeling this sense of fear... your descriptions are just so evocative to me... 🖤
Thank you for reading! 💚 My inspiration was a theory (I’m not sure how accurate it is) that after death, our brain remains active for another 7 minutes, and during that time it replays our entire life from the first to the last second. But there’s a twist: the theory suggests that time slows down there, so those 7 minutes in real time could feel like a much, much longer period. Terrifying. 😆💚
So you draw inspiration from interesting facts like that?? Forgive me for asking, I'm just really curious! My process always begins with a intense emotion... which I then craft a story around 🤔 But the way you describe that state of memory loss is creepily brilliant 🖤
Not really. But whenever I come across an idea I like, I try to work it into a story. It can happen during a random conversation with someone, or I might just get a vivid image in my head. There aren't really any strict rules. 😆💚
That's even more interesting 🤔 Sometimes I wonder where ideas actually come from... It's literally as if they were these "entities" floating around and occasionally jumping into people's heads 😅 I wish you many more of those mental images, because you're great at it 🖤 and they're truly original! 🫶🏻
Thank you! 💚 I've always wondered if some mysterious entity slips ideas into my head from time to time. My best friend and I joke that aliens are the ones giving me my ideas, and it would be so cool if at least some of the things I write were actually happening somewhere out there in the depths of space. 😂
Your explanation of where you get your ideas is absolute genius 😄 and by the way, that would make such a great story concept on its own! 🖤😊
Exquisito. Many quotable lines in this one. Restacks incoming…
Thank you for reading, I'm glad you liked it!